Ichthyo-Junk

You know what a really cool fish is? The Sarcastic Fringehead. They live in bottles on the seafloor and spend their days making smart-aleck faces and complaining about how the garibaldi next door has been slacking on his yardwork, causing crabgrass to spread into the Fringehead's immaculate Bermuda lawn.

If I ever discovered a fish species, I would name it the Eyelash Snatcher. He would be the terror of all divers for decades to come.