No More Miss Nice Girlfriend

I am very fond of Boyfriend, but his recent antics have exasperated me beyond the point of no return. Relationship-wise, he is about as mature as a green tomato. The potential is there...but don't expect much if you taste it now.

Here's a history lesson for you: about a month before school ended last semester, Boyfriend suddenly stopped talking to me. No calls, no emails...nada. He even stood me up for his OWN birthday dinner! His avoidance of the subject went to extremes unknown even to the Bush administration. Case in point: He didn't talk to me for a month, even though we sat next to each other in history class. I finally hunted him down...by staking out his dorm room. Apparantly he is not only ridiculously good looking, but also ridiculously commitment-phobic. We talked about his freak-out and he told me he needed some time to think, so we went into winter break together, but farther apart.

Things were looking up when he started calling me more and more often over the break. "I miss you," he said. "I can't wait to see you!". Good, I thought. You'd better. He told me that he wanted to stay together, and that he was sorry for his commitment-phobic tendencies.
I was scheduled to get back to campus on Saturday, and he was driving back on Sunday. When I didn't hear from him on Sunday I was disappointed, but not surprised. He probably got back late - it is an 11 hour drive.

But the next day, he still hadn't called. So I messaged him: "Are you back yet?" An hour later he responded, "Yeah, do you want to get some lunch?". Weak, but fine. I went to the dining hall.

When I got to the dining hall, he looked excited to see me. I think there was even some eager five-year-old-esque hand clapping involved.
"So when did you get back?" I asked.
"Yesterday at 8." he said.
Umm...excuse me? Wow, I guess he wasn't THAT anxious to see me. He usually doesn't go to bed until 2 am, no matter how tired he is.

Still, we had a good time talking and catching up. He told me about his trip, and I told him about playing with sea lions and the creepy guy I ran into at Target. He was cute and adorable and seemed legitimately happy to see me. That night he brought pizza, picked me up, and we watched old TMNT episodes until midnight.

Something was still nagging at my mind, though. I still didn't get the impression that he had really truly missed me. He also hadn't kissed me once since he got back. I was there when my friend's guy had gotten back: she waited up until 2:30 for him to get home, and when he did he immediately dropped his stuff and raced over to her room. "Get out, get out, he's coming over!" That's how couples are supposed to act after a month apart. They don't hug, then watch antropomorphized turtles battle politically incorrect Asian foes.

So last night, I stopped waiting. We had agreed to talk about our relationship when he got back - he was back, and I didn't want to wait any longer. I had spent two months waiting, and now I was done. I am sick of being patient, and I'm tired of being nice. I have tried to be a kickass girlfriend during his time of troubles: I know he really does want to be with me, despite his actions, and I had tried to be supportive and kind.

But enough is enough! I'm done being nice. I'm done taking care of him - I want a guy that can take care of ME. When do I get to be the emotional wreck? Because so far, he's done all the wrecking in this relationship.

"I hate to bring it up, but we need to talk eventually," I texted him.
...
...
Nothing. An hour later, he still hadn't responded. Since we had been texting regularly before that, I know he was ignoring it.
"[Boyfriend]? Come on, I know you got my last message by now"
"I know, I just didn't think I needed to reply," he wrote.
"I just wanted to make sure you weren't ignoring me, just in case that was what was happening"

Then he texted a garble of sentences that made absolutely no sense at all. In fact, they were completely and totally unrelated to the subject matter at all.
"What?" I texted. "I'm confused."

This was followed by another random sentence, this one a little graphic and unfit for print. This pissed me off.

"What's going on? Who is texting this?" I asked. His friends had stolen his phone before in the past.

"Roommate and I were just quoting a movie," Boyfriend replied.
"So was that you or Roommate?" I asked.
"No, it was me."

That was the last straw. He usually starts joking when he is in an uncomfortable situation, but I was in no mood for jokes. Before I had gone along with it, even joking back to make him more comfortable. But in my new No-Nonsense Girlfriend role, I was NOT amused.

"Whatever [Boyfriend]. I'm tired of jokes. Call me when you are ready to take this relationship seriously."

End transmission. He didn't respond, and hasn't since. How will this end? I don't know, but don't be looking for my story on the Hallmark channel anytime soon. It may be real life, but I'm guessing the ending will be more WWF Smackdown, less Oprah.