Warning!

"ACHTUNG!

Ellen may actually be a spider-human hybrid

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From Go-Quiz.com

Paper and Plastic

Today after school I walked into the kitchen and was met by my mother, who immediately asked me in a very pedantic way if I was the one responsible for the empty Easy Mac box waiting in the recycling pile. Of course I was, and I promptly informed her of the fact. Then she looked all annoyed and told me in a particularly nasty tone that I had to take it out to the recycle bin right away or else.

Now, in our house we have a system where on even days I take out the recycling and on odd days it's my sister's turn. In the spirit of equality and fair play I politely informed her that today was the 25th, which by all the standards I'm aware of constitutes as an odd-numbered day. Therefore, I reasoned, it was my sister's turn to do the recycling.

"Well you shouldn't just leave recycling around for your sister to take care of!" she yelled. "That's not very fair, is it!? It's her turn, but you still have to take out your own recycling!"

Obviously I noticed quite a number of severe logistical problems with this remark, but to escape further excoriation I was forced to obey.

My only question now is that if everyone does their own recycling, where did the rest of the cans and boxes waiting to be taken out come from?

Socialist Reform in the Fish Tank

An update on my tank: Joe has now taken to terrorizing my other two fishies, and now Benny and Mao have spent the last 48 hours shivering under a silk plant. In fact, they are so stressed and freaked out by Joe that they have lost almost all the red color from their fins. Joe, on the other hand, has flushed a brilliant scarlet color and takes to prancing around the tank like his namesake would prance around the Ukraine.

In order to halt the inevitable Great Purge version 2.0, I have decided to buy two more fish in order to distract Joe and hopefully let Benny and Mao get along with their business. In accordance to the themed drama playing out in my tank I have fittingly decided to name the new "distractor" fish Kulak and Bolshevik, two things I am sure Joe will have no trouble recognizing and attacking.

Fishy Politics

(R to L) Joe chases Mao, then invades Germany

Late night History homework does strange things to people. It makes them break pencils. It makes them waste printer paper. It makes them buy ridiculously expensive cappuccino drinks that require the mastery of seven different languages just to order properly. In my case, it is responsible for the naming of my fish.

On a whim yesterday I drove down to Petsmart and bought three Bloodfin Tetras from a lady who thought a good substitute for a fish net was her clenched fist. But after the initial scare, when one of my new fishy friends was practically turned into salmon mousse before finally being released from said clenched fist, I pranced out of the store with a bag in my hand and a happy feeling in my heart.

The Naming of Fish

After a few moments of thought I decided upon names for my fish: Joe, Benny and Mao. These names stemmed from an intense thought process lasting, by some accounts, up to three seconds in length. It was the red fin color that tipped me off, with some help from my history homework sitting beside the tank. My fish were Communists.

Naturally, the first one was named Joe after Joseph Stalin. He is the biggest and bossiest of the group, always nipping and chasing the other two around. Mao is short for Mao Zedong, pugnacious but without Joe's signature flair. The last fish, however, was tricky. He is pale, not red like the other two, and sits shivering by the filter while the others command the tank. If he does fight, he often changes sides, a sort of fishy Benedict Arnold. I decided to name him after fascist Benito Mussolini. Also, Benny sounded better than HoChi or Fidel.

So now as I sit here highlighting articles and discussing Genesis and Revelation, my three little dictators squabble continuously in the tank next to my computer screen. Joe chases Benny, Benny nips Mao, and Mao invades South Korea. It's all in a day's work for a commie fish.

Now I just have to find a way to tell my mother about them.

Different picture: http://www.geocities.com/elmogeo/joenbennynmaotank.jpg